Merry Christmas

Blogging has not been high on my priority list lately. I did want to wish everyone a blessed Christmas. This is indeed a bittersweet time for our family. I said in my last post that we are enjoying one another. That is true. It is also true that we really miss Emily. I was looking through the beautiful calendar that Juanita made for my mom this afternoon and was really moved by the lovely pictures of Emily.

Christ has come, however, and we celebrate His victory over sin and death. We can enjoy the day tomorrow - and we did enjoy the day today - because our Saviour has come.

Thanks to everyone who has commented on this blog and to the people from our church who read this blog. We really appreciate you.

Mid December Update

Life has been busy lately. Most of it has been good but some of it has been quite stressful. I won't try to give an itinerary of activites, calls, visits and etc. in this spot. I will say that we are humbled and thankful for all the expressions of kindness and concern that we have been shown. We've done many thank you cards, but we'll never do enough.

One interesting thing that happened recently was that we received a care package from camp - usually that goes the other way. Jim and Wendy from Sunnybrae sent us a pack of cards and notes that came with gifts to the camp in Emily's memory and they included some cookies and other goodies. That was very nice. They also sent along Josh's camera - the one that he left at camp, but thought he brought home. It had pictures on it from the summer, obviously, but one of them was particularly special to me. I thought I'd share it here.

This picture was taken at the beginning of a youth night when the family camp teens and some staff went to Salmon Arm for the evening. They had a dress up box and were able to get spiffed up for the occasion. No, my shirt wasn't from that batch, it was just the one I was wearing that day (it was a gift from a Sri Lankan friend).

I feel a general tiredness and sadness. That is quite expected, I guess. The rest of the family is doing well, considering. We're keeping pretty busy and enjoying each other. Thanks for your continued prayers.

The Inadequacy of Words

Lots of thoughts and feelings are churning around this week. I don't find writing on this blog particularly satisfying because there are so many restraints in writing publicly. It was a strange thing to see quotes from this blog in the National Post and other media. That reminded me to be prudent in what I write.

I came across a quote from a ficiton book that I'm reading (at my wife's recommendation):

Every time a writer tries to put some experience, memory, feeling or observation into words, even in his own native tongue, he's translating in a sense. He's changing the intangibles of life into printed matter.*

That's good. It exposes some of the limitations of blogging that I've been sensing, but haven't been able to articulate. I can't translate life into words in this blog, particularly not in the last several weeks.

I'm sure I come across differently here than I do in person. That's part of the reason I've been careful with giving interviews. I do like to think ahead and have the opportunity to edit before I publish something. I don't merely want to keep up appearances (enough people who know me in real life know that I don't have it all together), but I don't want to say anything here that could be hurtful to my family, church or community.

I'm thankful that at least with my sermons and Bible studies, I get to simply point to the Master, the Creator of words. The word of God is living and active. If I work at keeping my public teaching less about me and more about what God has said, the people in my church will be well served.

It is astonishing that God would condescend to speak to weak, fallen human beings using words.The Bible is supernatural. When we learn to read it "back-to-front" with Christ at the center, we can't help but be astonished at God's light.

Consider:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.

He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it

with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this. Isaiah 9:6-7

Now that is writing. Reading back from the unveiling of this Son in the New Testament, these verses are not only beautiful, but so important - life and death important.

This is the Christian's hope - the hope of the world - that God's Son, Jesus Christ, is the Good King in the absolute sense of those words. Salvation is of the Lord. When salvation is fully and finally revealed, all the clouds and hints and shadows of inadequate words that reflect our inadequate lives will be blown away and the light of His glory will shine forever. If we are in Christ by grace through faith, then we will reign with Him as adopted sons and co-heirs eternally.

*Jamie Langston Turner, A Garden to Keep, p. 251.

An Arrest

The news of the arrest of a man charged with Emily's murder has brought, as you can imagine, mixed feelings. We are thankful for this step, and we are particularly thankful for the RCMP's "above and beyond" work on this case. On the other hand, this news brings many difficult feelings to the surface. We're doing pretty well, though we're lying low today. We continue to trust in God for His strength and comfort.

We don't know the man charged, though I have seen him once or twice at different town events.

This begins another phase in this whole experience for our family, but we appreciate the dilligent work of the RCMP and the support of our church and community.

Radio Interview Link

As I have mentioned, CBC Radio 1 has interviewed us and featured a story on Emily's death on the Edmonton AM program this week. CBC has posted a story and an audio link (on the right side of the page under "Related Items).

We are grateful for the sensitive way the media has treated our family and this story is no exception. Thanks to Adrienne Lamb for a job well done.

I would have liked to have heard a little more about our hope in Christ on the radio, but I guess that's what this blog is for. We're not in any hurry to grant any more media interviews, but we do want to exalt our Saviour when we get the opportunity.

Family Update

It has been a while since I've written, so I'll just do some point-form personal updates.

• We were in Calgary on Friday and Saturday. Josh was in an Alberta-wide quiz meet at Calgary Christian School. He did well, and his team finished second overall in a nailbiter of a final. The final between the three best teams went to overtime (between 2 teams) and Josh's team of 4 only lost by 10 points (teams are awarded 20 points for a correct answer).
  
  Josh and Ocean (a rookie quizzer from our church who did great at her first meet) were adopted by Southgate Alliance in Edmonton and we are thankful for their thoughtfulness.
  
  Juanita and I were able to announce a scholarship in Emily's memory at that meet.
  
  It was nice to touch base with some friends on that trip. Special thanks to the S. family for putting us up for the night and to D. and G. for supper on Friday night.
  
  
• Josh and I went to an Oilers game on Thursday night. They lost to Detroit, but they made it interesting. They came back from a 3-0 deficit and lost 4-3. Josh and I had a great opportunity to talk, particularly on the way home. A big thank you to my niece and nephew for making that possible. Josh and I logged about 1400 kms on Thursday to Saturday, but it was worth it (Edson is 200km from Edmonton and 500km from Calgary).
  
  
• We did an interview with a radio interviewer from CBC Radio 1 for a series that is running on Monday to Wednesday mornings this week. I just caught the tail end of the interview this morning at 6:45. It takes a few steps to find the live feed. A 6 minute clip of us talking is supposed to be aired on Wednesday morning at 7:15. The series will eventually be available on the web archives. We're supposed to be getting a CD of the series. The interviewer was Adrienne Lamb. We were impressed with her thoughtfulness and professionalism. She warned us that we will get new media requests after this airs. We've been pretty good at setting boundaries for ourselves, but this is all new. We appreciate your continued prayers for us that we will be a good witness to our Saviour.
  
  
• We are seeing some new people at church. We're thankful and mindful of our responsibility to represent Christ well and to pray for one another and our community.
  
  
• My brother and his wife are supposed to be joining us for supper along with my mom who lives in Edson. We're looking forward to that. Since Emily's death, we are enjoying more significant relationships with our families - particularly my side, seeing as I haven't been very good at staying in touch.
  
  
• So, how are we doing? Pretty well, considering. Speaking for myself, I feel a general sense of tirednesss and sadness comes and goes. God is good, however, and I am plugging along.
  
  
• I can't express how thankful I am for my wife. Maybe Juanita prefers that I don't express much here, but let me just say that next to Christ, God's greatest grace to me is her.
  

That's all for now. I'll try to be more regular with this blog this week.

A Sunday Psalm

We used this Psalm for our Call to Worship this morning. It struck me as a particularly rich way to begin the service and it was well read (thanks, Daniel).

Psalm 85 (ESV)

LORD, you were favorable to your land; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
You forgave the iniquity of your people; you covered all their sin. Selah
You withdrew all your wrath; you turned from your hot anger.
Restore us again, O God of our salvation, and put away your indignation toward us!
Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger to all generations?
Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?
Show us your steadfast love, O LORD, and grant us your salvation.
Let me hear what God the LORD will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints; but let them not turn back to folly.
Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, that glory may dwell in our land.
Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky.
Yes, the LORD will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before him and make his footsteps a way.

An Evening for Emily

Juanita and I just came back from a community fundraiser at our local Legion branch. It was overwhelming to see all those people there - bands, local people and media. They had a silent auction as well. We left early (they'll be rocking into the wee hours), but we were thankful for an opportunity to say thanks to the community through that gathered group.

I can't begin to thank everyone here, and I know that it is not expected by the people that set up this event. I will extend a blanket thank you to these folks. I also want to thank the main organizer, Axel Axmann, for his courtesy and hard work (he can extend thanks to his team!).

The funds raised tonight will go to a music camp called Strings and Keys (this links to an old site - it's all I could find, but it describes it well). Besides the ticket sales and the silent auction, we were surprised to hear about some generous gifts from companies and individuals. This scholarship will be a good legacy for Emily.

If you are on Facebook, you might want to check out the Evening for Emily page. This evening is another reminder of how Emily's death has affected not only our family, but our community (and far beyond, from what we have heard).

Update: Here's a link to a Global News story on the event.

In God Alone

I’ve been reflecting on Psalm 62 this week as I am preaching from it on Sunday. This Psalm is the “God Alone” Psalm – for God alone my soul waits in silence. It is easy to say that we are waiting for, trusting in and following God alone, but what does that mean?

I was reflecting on this at the gym this morning. I had Caedmon’s Call Overdressed playing on my iPod. A line from the song Expectations caught my attention. The superficial promises of a church came across in the song as … an expensive ad for something cheap. Are we as professing Christians trying to sell something cheap as if it were “the answer” for life? “Come, follow Jesus and you will have financial freedom, great health and happy relationships.” The gospel doesn’t promise any of that.

Psalm 62:9 says, Those of low estate are but a breath; those of high estate are a delusion; in the balances they go up; they are together lighter than a breath. The word translated “breath” in this verse (ESV) is translated “vanity” or “meaningless” in the book of Ecclesiastes. There is no inherent righteousness in being poor and humble, humanly speaking. On the other hand, the richest, most powerful man is like dust in the scales compared to God. It is in the perspective of this truth that the psalmist confesses, “in God alone.”

The rich and the poor, the powerful and the insignificant, even the Christian and the non-Christian have something in common: We are all going to lose everything. Our lives are dust, a breath – vapor.

Years ago I did a sermon series on the book of Job. It struck me – with a chill – that Job 1-2 is simply life in fast-forward. I’ve known elderly folks who had outlived all their children, lost their health and most of their strength and influence. If you live long enough, you lose what you hold dear little-by-little. If you die young, you lose everything at once. Isn’t this the cheerful message of Ecclesiastes as well? Yes, Job was restored. But then he died. Solomon had everything as the richest, wisest, most powerful king of Israel, but he confessed that it was “meaningless.” He died too.

Psalm 62 is a confession of David, a confession that becomes an exhortation. Get your perspective fixed, O my soul. Get your perspective right, O people. Wait for God alone. If you trust Him now, then He will be what is left after everything else is gone.

The most important application of this Psalm is reconciliation with God. How can we find hope and confidence in waiting for God if we are sinners and He is holy? If all we have coming is a “fearful expectation of judgment,” then we are hopeless – loss in this life followed by greater loss in the life to come. Jesus said, … do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell (Matthew 10:28). Nothing else matters if we are not right with God.

The most precious truth in this Psalm is found in a little word in verse 12 – chesed - translated “steadfast love” (ESV), “mercy” (KJV) or simply “love” (NIV). This is the faithful, pursuing, gracious, covenant love of God. It is God’s response to His promises to save a people for Himself. Chesed is fulfilled only in the redeeming work of Christ.

God promised to save, but no one believed God’s message. God promised to choose a people for Himself forever, but no one wanted Him. The only way He could resolve this ugly dilemma was to bring life and righteousness to a spiritually dead and sinful people. He Himself came to rescue us: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Through His death and resurrection, Christ has reconciled to God a great mass of people throughout the ages. This eternal salvation is in Christ alone, by grace alone, though faith alone. Justice and mercy met and were reconciled in Jesus Christ so that we who were once enemies of God could be adopted as sons.

If we trust this Good News – that Christ died and rose again to bring us to God – then the confession “In God Alone” is precious and glorious. If we can see our lives from God’s perspective, then God alone is indeed our rock, our salvation and our fortress even if everything else is taken from us.

Five

When I set the table tonight for supper, that's the number of plates I put out. When we get into the van to go to church, our family uses five seat belts. If we go to a restaurant, we say, "Table for five, please." Our home email address begins with "stauf6."

These are just a few of the countless, constant reminders that we are five, not six. For all that we trust God - and we do - this is just wrong.

Having shared that complaint, let me say that I am so thankful for my wife, Juanita, and Josh, Petra and Anne. We have each other, a wonderful extended family and a better church family than we thought we had (and we thought it was great before).

Life is going pretty well. I am going to preach this coming Sunday for the first time, Lord willing. It is a communion service and I am going to preach from Psalm 62. People say, "You are so strong" (there were two more today). Psalm 62 underlines the fact that I am very weak and fragile, but it is some consolation that God's Word says I'm not alone. God alone is strong. That He would also be full of loving-kindness to me and invite me to find shelter in Him is astonishing, humbling and, well, life itself.

It is a great comfort to know that Emily trusted Christ alone for her salvation. When God is big and we are small, Jesus - the shelter and rock of our salvation - is a treasure and a delight. Forever.

As Long as You Are Glorified

There is strength to be found in confessing God's character and work back to Him in song. This song is from Come Weary Saints and it has been a leading contender for # 1 background music in my brain lately.

Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings
Yet not welcome any pain
Shall I thank You for days of sunshine
Yet grumble in days of rain
Shall I love You in times of plenty
Then leave You in days of drought
Shall I trust when I reap a harvest
But when winter winds blow, then doubt

Oh let Your will be done in me
In Your love I will abide
Oh I long for nothing else as long
As You are glorified

Are You good only when I prosper
And true only when I’m filled
Are You King only when I’m carefree
And God only when I’m well
You are good when I’m poor and needy
You are true when I’m parched and dry
You still reign in the deepest valley
You’re still God in the darkest night

Bridge So quiet my restless heart, quiet my restless heart
Quiet my restless heart in You

Words and Music by Mark Altrogge.
© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI). Sovereign Grace Music, a division of Sovereign Grace Ministries.
From Come Weary Saints. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
North American administration by Integrity Music. International administration by CopyCare International.

Rebecca's Gospel Theme

I encourage you to read a post over at Rebecca Writes. Scroll through and note the Gospel theme for the month of October. The Gospel is often a theme at Rebecca's excellent blog.

The Gospel

In my post announcing Emily's death, I said, "We are realizing from the inside the value of good, gospel theology right now." What did I mean by that?

I didn't mean that we aren't suffering. We are weak, hurting and bewildered, but not despairing. If we didn't have the presence of God and the hope of the gospel, where would we be?


Gospel means "good news." The good news is that God sent His Son to be the Saviour of the world. Christ died for sinners and rose from the dead on the third day. To believe this and to confess "Jesus is Lord" is what it means to be a Christian.


Years ago, I heard someone say, "The gospel is for Christians, too." I thought that sounded a little odd. My response was, "Well, I guess so ...but, what do you mean?" I would have said that the gospel is primarily for non-Christians, so I was confused. It now sounds very natural - I couldn't imagine not having this as the very center of what I believe. Jerry Bridges has popularized the saying, "Preach the gospel to yourself every day." This is excellent advice, and it is very biblical.


In the Spring of 2007, I heard a message by Dr. D.A. Carson from the first Gospel Coalition conference simply titled, "What is the Gospel." I highly recommend it. Right off the top he says that a lot of Christians think that the gospel is what just "tips people into the kingdom," and we get onto the "real work of discipleship" after that. This could not be more wrong-headed. Dr. Carson's message was on 1 Corinthians 15, where the Apostle Paul tells us what is "of first importance." What is of first importance is the gospel.


The gospel is central because I am a sinner and God is holy. The grace of God through the person and work of Jesus Christ - particularly on the cross - is my greatest need in every area of my life - every day. We human beings seriously underestimate the evil of sin. Sin "out there" that hurts us is a wake-up call about the power of this evil, but the sin inside us is a curse that alienates us from our Creator. That Christ has come to bring me grace when I only deserved wrath and reconcile me to God through His shed blood is The Good News - The Gospel.


If you are unclear about what the gospel really is, I urge you to get it straight. This really a matter of life and death. An excellent, concise summary of the Gospel by John Piper can be found here (text, audio and video). If you are not sure you are a follower of Jesus Christ, then I encourage you to walk through an online presentation called Two Ways To Live. Pray and ask God to open your heart to His truth and love.


If you are already a Christian but are unclear on why we you would still need to focus on the cross of Christ, buy yourself a copy of Living the Cross Centred Life by C.J. Mahaney and I trust that you will be captivated by a whole-life gospel passion. A couple of books by Jerry Bridges have been very helpful to me as well. I commend to you The Discipline of Grace and The Gospel for Real Life.

If you have been searching the internet for help with your Christian life, I'm sure you've found that there are many excellent resources online, but there is a lot of flaky stuff, too. What you'll find at the Gospel Coalition site, Desiring God Ministries and Monergism.com will give you years worth of solid, reliable reading and listening material that is Gospel saturated and God-honouring.


Last but not least, read the Bible with Christ at the center. The Lord Jesus said that the Bible is all about Him, so take Him at His Word and look for Him when you read the Bible. If you are not a Bible reader, then start with the Gospel of John and then read the book of Romans. The gospel of John will captivate you with the shattering personality of Jesus (as I think C.S. Lewis put it once) and the Apostle Paul in the book of Romans will walk you through the details and most important implications of the gospel. R.C. Sproul said one time that if every person in America who claimed to be a Christian actually sat down and read the book of Romans from cover to cover - just once - a great revivial would break out in the land.

Discover, study and be captivated by the gospel. Live it as the center of your life and you will not only have a sustaining faith, you will know and treasure the One True God who will sustain you with joy - no matter what happens otherwise in your life.

How Are You Doing?

I have been asked this question a lot. It is amazing how much variety of expression there can be in the same words. Some people ask how I’m doing and then seem to catch themselves. They just asked their “hello” question and then realized what they’ve said and to whom they have said it. Others ask slowly and carefully, looking for an honest answer. Others are very apologetic, but really want to know, so they supply phrases like, “I suppose you’re asked this all the time, but how are you doing?”

I think I can speak for my family when I say that we don’t mind these questions in their varied forms. However, speaking for myself, sometimes I do feel like responding, “How am I supposed to be feeling?” I won’t say that, and I don’t want to say it with an edge, but it is how I am “doing” sometimes.

Regarding the habitual, “How are you doing?” question, I still do it myself, so I certainly don’t blame others for asking me!

I can go through long stretches where I’m just rolling along with the “new normal,” and then something will come out of the blue to bring back the grief. How distracted should I be? Should I feel guilty for having a good night’s sleep? When should I get back to the regular routine of pastoral duties (whatever that is!)? I think all of us are just figuring out how we should be feeling.

For people that we don’t see regularly but read my blog, here are some point-form observations about how we are doing:
- We’re pretty much back to routine. I’ve been back in the office, homeschooling has been back on for a while and lessons and meetings are on the schedule again.
- Financially we are fine. All of our expenses are covered and then some. We are blessed and well-supplied by many gracious people.
- The kids seem to be doing alright. We’ll have to take care of each other and listen to each other more than ever to make sure that we’re all healthy. I know that as dad, I have an extra responsibility in this department.
- We’re been overwhelmed with cards, letters, emails, visits and phone calls. We are humbled by and grateful for these expressions of love.
- The pace of these responses has not been too heavy, but we can’t possibly respond with “thank you” to everyone.
- There is nothing to report on the investigation front. The RCMP have been excellent, however, and we are not getting frustrated with them. God is sovereign.
- We are realizing more all the time how rocked our community has been by Emily’s murder. I talked to a couple of people yesterday that could barely talk to me. This will take some time to process and heal.
- There have been community initiatives to raise money for a reward fund through Crimestoppers. There is also a community benefit concert scheduled for November 15th. The proceeds of this event will go towards a music scholarship in Emily’s name.
- There is still a large measure of unreality about all of this. Psychologically speaking, I think this is a protection, a defense mechanism.
- Another aspect to the unreality of Emily’s death is the fact that she is now more alive than ever. She has left the shadowlands and is now with Jesus in Paradise.
- God is carrying us still. We are reminded of that whenever we hear or read reports that people are praying for us. We appreciate that very much.
- Last point: We miss Emily very much.

Thanks to everyone who has come to visit my blog in the past weeks and for the many who have commented. Your encouragement is precious, as are your prayers.

A Father's Funeral Address

I didn't know whether I was going to post this. However, I already shared it with a gymn full of people at Emily's funeral and the media has reported pieces of it, so it is somewhat public already. If you have seen some media reports (which have been quite compassionate and accurate, thankfully), this text may provide some more context.

Emily loved Jesus – and now her faith has turned to sight, the dream is over, the endless day has begun.

This is not just a greeting card sentiment that has its roots in human tradition. It is rooted in historical fact – the fact of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This is the living reality of the Gospel.

Gospel simply means “Good News.” The Good news is that God sent His Son to be the Saviour of the world. We need a Saviour because we are sinners, and God is holy and hates sin. When Jesus died on the cross, he took our punishment in our place. If we trust Him, we can be forgiven and be right with God forever. Jesus rose from the dead to seal this promise and show us that we, too, will rise from the dead to be with Him forever. If we love Him, if we love this good news, it is because God first loved us.

Emily believed this Gospel. She confessed Christ as Her Lord and trusted Him as her Saviour. She was baptized on February 18, 2007. The verse on her baptism certificate is from Romans 6:4 and it says, “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.”

We saw too little of that new life – we expected to see her continue to grow as a Christian young woman – but we know that this promise of life is not limited to what we can now see.

We asked my brother Doug to read Psalm 42 because we know that some people who do not know God are asking, “Where was your God when your daughter was killed?” We certainly don’t know the reason why, but we know that God is still God – He is still Good and He is with us. His love sustains us constantly. Where else could we go?

You might be wondering why we would choose songs that talk about death and blood at a time like this. It is because the hope of eternal life hinges on the death of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. For one thing, Emily loved these songs that we are singing today. She listened to them and she played them on the piano and sang them in church. We will miss hearing her piano playing, the violin and her beautiful singing voice very much.

Yet it is not first the music that grabbed her heart, but the words – the Christ exalting, Gospel proclaiming words.

Emily read Scripture, read books and sometimes even listened to sermons on her free time in order to better understand God’s Story and its application to her life. She did not do this because she had some sense of duty to do what was right, but because there is joy in knowing Christ – great and eternal joy. One quote our family loves is from John Piper, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

Emily didn’t spend all her time reading the Bible and doing “church stuff” – she had very diverse interests. But, the foundation of a love for Christ was beginning to define Emily more and more. I saw this as I reviewed Josh and Emily’s daily Bible study with them on Monday afternoons. I was amazed at Emily’s depth of understanding and application of God’s Word. I know Josh’s confidence in God is carrying him through right now as well.

One of the evidences of God’s grace in Emily’s life was her willingness to serve. We loved seeing her growing sensitivity to others.

I loved to tease Emily, and she gave back as well. I have a habit of singing around the house and Emily was always quick to say, “Dad, you’re off key” or “you’ve got the wrong rhythm” – usually with a smile on her face.

When it came to my typing speed or photo-editing abilities – well, we just won’t go there.

I treasure memories of talking with Emily, particularly as we drove in the car to Edmonton or Brightwood Youth Ranch this summer. Our shared love for our Savior is the best kind of father-daughter bond.

Fathers and mothers: You might think that your teens need to be teens and not bother with faith matters until they are older. Please realize that faith in Jesus brings a fuller, richer life at any age – joy, peace, satisfaction, deeper richer relationships with people. Most of all faith in Christ brings the joy and contentment of peace with God. No one who is being drawn by the Holy Spirit to a deeper relationship with God regrets lost time in front of the TV or Xbox. Young people can find treasure in Christ right now.

We grow in our knowledge of God in God’s Word, the Bible. Juanita and I have noticed a change in Josh and Emily since they began Bible quizzing. As they memorized Scripture – particularly Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians last year, their hunger to know God more and live godly lives increased. As with all of us Christian pilgrims, there were ups and downs in Emily’s application of the Bible, but I am very thankful to God that His Word was living and active in her life.

When Emily’s death was confirmed on Saturday night, I was shocked and bewildered. All I could pray was, “O Lord, Help! Help! Help!” As I was on my knees, a thought came to me: “If all my talk about the Gospel and God’s goodness is not true now, then it was never true.”

That was a great comfort, for I know this great good news is true. I stand with my wife and family in a long line of Christians who have suffered loss yet look ahead to a “city not made with hands” and the fulfillment of God’s promise of eternal life to those who trust Christ.

We will see Emily again. I said to my daughter Petra last night that this clumsy, self-conscious dad is looking forward to dancing with Emily in Heaven as we celebrate God’s glory together.

But the first face I will see in Heaven will be the face of Jesus. He is the source of my life. He is the one who died willingly and rose triumphantly so that I might have peace with God. He’s bringing the people I love most to Heaven too as they learn from Him, repent of their sins and trust Him as Saviour. Without Him, there would be no hope, only despair, no peace, only fear, no joy, only sorrow unending.

With Christ, there is hope that does not disappoint, peace that passes understanding, and joy and carries us through the dark and restless nights until we see our Champion, our Saviour face to face.

--
We would like to share a slideshow with you to help you see some of the life that our precious daughter enjoyed. With it, we are playing a song that has recently become very precious to us.
This summer, we bought a new CD called, “Come Weary Saints.” One of the songs on that album quickly became a favorite – particularly for Juanita. It’s called, It is Not Death to Die.

About a month ago, she said, “I don’t know why, but I just love this song.” Now we know why. God was preparing her, and us, for this time.

Please watch and listen with us. The words to the song are printed in your memorial folder.

Outlines From Two Significant Services

When Juanita and I considered songs and Scripture for Emily's funeral, the order of service fell together very quickly. My dear wife wrote a few things down - choosing mainly from Emily's favorites - and the following structure took form.

In Christ Alone
Welcome, Announcements and Prayer – Roy
Psalm 42 – Doug
When I Survey
How Deep
Terry & Juanita
Slide show with "It is Not Death to Die"
Message – Allen Hern (Papa)
I Know Whom I have Believed
Postlude - Josh K.

While this day is still very fresh, I will make some comments about the individual elements:

In Christ Alone This song gave us courage to make it through the service - particularly our part in sharing about Emily's life
Welcome, Announcements and Prayer – Roy This was beautifully done. We're glad we asked our friend to do this, even though we knew it would be hard for him, too.
Psalm 42 – Doug Stauffer Juanita and I read through Psalm 42 and 46 together on Monday morning. We decided on Psalm 42 because it just seemed appropriate. We were thankful that my brother agreed to read it.
When I Survey - Emily had the first verse of this hymn posted beside her bed.
How Deep - From the Valley of Vision. Emily loved this song and played it on the piano along with other SGM songs at our September Communion service at church
Terry & Juanita - God gave us grace and strength to be able to speak clearly and boldly. I believe our contributions complimented each other well.
Slide show - with song "It is Not Death to Die" played on CD. See also my previous post. Lots of tears at this part. We're thankful to friends who made the slide show happen.

Message: Ephesians 2:8-9 – Allen Hern (Papa) We thought of Juanita's dad for the message right away. He preached the Gospel, and we are thankful. Josh, Juanita and I quickly agreed that these are Emily's favorite verses.
I Know Whom I have Believed - This is my favorite "traditional" hymn - it is a family favorite, and a favorite of our church family as well.

Postlude - Josh K. - Emily's piano teacher played a beautiful piece that Emily had been working on. This was just the right way to finish.

I would be remiss not to mention the excellent music team that our church put together. It was made up of our leaders, and they did a fantastic job. We are blessed.

Though our church has been very gracious and found preachers for me, we still want to be at church. Our first Sunday back was October 5. The song leader, who shall remain unnamed, did a wonderful job putting together the song package. My friend Jim from Edmonton did a fine job on a message from Job. This service will be close to our hearts for a long time. I'm not going to do the links and commentary on each part, but I'll make brief comments.

Edson Baptist Church Order of Service for October 5, 2008

This is my Father’s World --“though the wrong seems oft so strong. God is the Ruler yet”
Not Be Shaken
Welcome and announcements
Call to Worship – 2 Corinthians 4:7-5:10 - This was breathtaking Prayer
He Giveth More Grace (to a new tune)
How Firm a Foundation - David Powlison presented a moving message on this hymn at Desiring God 2005
I Will Glory in My Redeemer - a rich, satisfying modern hymn - in any circumstance
Offering – Offertory: “It is Not Death to Die.”
Scripture Reading: Job 13:1-22 – Brian
Pastoral Prayer: Brian
Kid’s Song: Jesus Loves me – dismiss preschoolers to Jr. Church
Jesus I Come - Indelible Grace version
I Need Thee Every Hour
Abide With Me
Message: Jim R. – Job 13
Closing Song: For I Know My Redeemer Lives
Benediction: 1 Peter 1:3-9 – Brian

This was an overwhelming service, but in a good way. I felt that I needed to go home quite soon after the service, but we are all glad that we went. It was a rich service.

I had a history professor in seminary that said, "Young people today are not learning songs in church that they can sing at funerals." That is often true. I'm glad that's not true at our church.

J.I. Packer on Peace

As I said in an earlier post, I have been reading J.I. Packer’s Knowing God at bedtime for the last little while. I read the following paragraph on Tuesday, September 30th. I read the paragraph twice, and that’s all I read that night.


What does the Gospel of God offer to us? If we say ‘the peace of God’, none will demur – but will everyone understand? The use of right words does not guarantee right thoughts! Too often the peace of God is thought of as if it were essentially a feeling of inner tranquility, happy and carefree, springing from knowledge that God will shield one from life’s hardest knocks. But this is a misrepresentation, for, on the one hand, God does not feather-bed His children in this way, and anyone who thinks He does is in for a shock, and, on the other hand, that which is basic and essential to the real peace of God does not come into this concept at all. The truths after which this account of God’s peace is feeling (though it misrepresents them, as we said) are that God’s peace brings both power to face, and live with, one’s own badness and failings, and also contentment under ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ (for which the Christian name is God’s wise providence). The truth which this account ignores is that the basic pardon and acceptance into covenant – that is, adoption into God’s family. But where this change of relationship with God – out of hostility into friendship, out of wrath into the fullness of love, out of condemnation into justification – is not set forth, the gospel of peace is not truly set forth either. The peace of God is first and foremost peace with God; it is the state of affairs in which God, instead of being against us, is for us. No account of God’s peace which does not start here can do other than mislead. One of the miserable ironies of our time is that whereas liberal and ‘radical’ theologians believe themselves to be re-stating the gospel for today, they have for the most part rejected the categories of wrath, guilt, condemnation, and the enmity of God, and so have made it impossible for themselves ever to present the gospel at all, for they cannot now state the basic problem which the gospel of peace solves.


J.I. Packer, Knowing God, Chapter 18, The Heart of the Gospel, section VIII, p. 176. Emphasis in original.

Providence

It has been hard to get back to this blog. We have had a pretty steady stream of people calling and visiting. This has been good - we've needed it - but we do get weary. I would recount evidences of God's grace through His people, but I can't count that high. God is good, and He does use His people.

My thoughts have been swirling and sometimes I don't know what to think or pray. Several times I've been on my knees and I've said, "Lord, you know ... and you have set many other people praying, so I'll leave it to you and them." Other times, I've been able to pray for a few key people quite fervently (beginning with my family). Some people have commented on our strength, but Juanita and I have never been more conscious of our weakness and fragility. We are weak, but He is strong.

There have been many evidences of God's prior work of preparation. Some may be offended that I would even talk like this, but a God that does not know the future or who is not sovereign is no comfort at all.

I don't have time or energy to list many of God's gracious providences right now, but let me list just three:
- C.J Mahaney's message on Psalm 42 (we chose Psalm 42 as a text for the Scripture reading at Emily's funeral and Ephesians 2:8-9, Emily's favorite verses, as the message text). C.J.'s message is one that we have copied and given out as its central idea of talking to yourself (God's promises / character / the Gospel) vs. listening to yourself (doubt, self-talk, etc.) is so helpful. When certain tracks start playing in my mind I, by God's grace, can say, "Trust in God."
- At bedtime, I've been reading J.I. Packer's Knowing God - it is one of those "should have read it a long time ago" books. I've been loving it, but the chapter I was reading on the 27th was "The Heart of the Gospel." I will be posting a quote from a section on peace from that chapter soon.
- Music. Sovereign Grace music, songs and hymns at the funeral and at church on Sunday. What a gift these lyrics have been - particularly in the middle of the night.

I will briefly list family, our church family, cards, emails and blog comments, the book Valley of Vision by Arthur Bennett, Spurgeon's Morning and Evening - not to mention God's Word - as sources of comfort and strength that God has been using. I hope to blog more on these things sometime, but we're really taking things one day at a time - moment to moment, even.

Thanks for your continued prayers. Life is difficult these days, but God is still carrying us.

Carried

God is carrying us. He is using our family, church family and friends. God is also carrying us by His promises which were precious last week and tested and precious this week.

So many people say to us, "I don't know what to say...." We understand that, but calls, notes and visits are eloquent all the same. We don't know how to begin to thank everyone for their expressions of love and support. Thank you, anyway.

I have been keeping some notes in a journal, but I won't be blogging much here until next week, at least. Some of you may see strength when you see us and hear from us, but please know that we are very human. We run through the full range of emotions, but God is our refuge and strength. If you see any strength in us, understand that the glory is God's alone.

He, most of all, is carrying us.

P.S. For those of you that notice such things, I changed the date of this post. It is actually Wednesday at about 10:40, but I want to keep Emily's picture up top. If anyone knows how I can do this more elegantly, let me know in the comments.

It Is Not Death to Die

In August we bought a CD from Sovereign Grace Music, Come Weary Saints. I posted a brief recommendation back in the beginning of September. This album, along with Valley of Vision and other Sovereign Grace albums have been a lifeline for our family since we received the news of Emily's death. Our little girls, 7 and 9, have gone to sleep listening to these songs the last two nights.

My wife Juanita commented that one song, It Is Not Death to Die, gripped her from day one. I remember her saying that when we first listened to this album. Now we know why.

We have mentioned the significance of this song to a few friends and family, but just a few minutes ago, we received another confirmation that this song is "for such a time as this." Bob Kauflin, Director of Worship Development for Sovereign Grace Ministries, posted a comment on my post announcing Emily's death and he quoted from this song (Bob wrote the music, chorus and alternate lyrics for this song). Thank you, Bob!

John Piper (and others) stress the need for Christians to build a foundation in good theology in preparation for suffering, for suffering will indeed come. Juanita and I have lived an easy life in so many ways - blessed with healthy children, a great church and a sweet marriage. God was good then, and God is good now.

Death is the last enemy. We are still living in a fallen world. We do not grieve as those who have no hope, but we still grieve. The funeral for Emily will not be a celebration of her life, though she will be appropriately honoured. We desire this service to be Gospel-saturated and glorifying to Christ our Redeemer. I can honestly say that's the way Emily would have wanted it.

It Is Not Death to Die

It is not death to die
To leave this weary road
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who’ve found their home with God

It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears
And wake in joy before Your throne
Delivered from our fears

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just

It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from mortal years
To praise You evermore

O Jesus, conquering the grave

Your precious blood has power to save

Those who trust in You

Will in Your mercy find

That it is not death to die

Original Words by Henri Malan (1787-1864). Translated by George Bethune (1847).
Music, Chorus and Alternate Words by Bob Kauflin.
© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI). Sovereign Grace Music, a division of Sovereign Grace Ministries.
From Come Weary Saints. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
North American administration by Integrity Music. International administration by CopyCare International.